BACK INTO THE DARK

KORN - Did my Time

Ladies and gentlemen, After a somewhat periodic smiling period and times filled with semi laughter and weeeeeee bits of fun, DMNY inc. is proud to present to you the awaited return of one little twisted, dark and odd worldy mind:My freaking own.

And down we go again. Smile. This is one moment anyone who knew my past work would go cheering about. No more funnies. No more melodramatic bullshit. Sure the world will go round and round. It does and always will be but the light in it is growing dimmer by the minute. I'm not being fatalistic here. I mean have you looked at the news lately? Yes, it always seem to have something to demoralize people. It's horrible, it's disgusting.Some will tell me to fight it. To come into the light and see that things can be better.

THE FUCK YOU MEAN?

It's not going to go better. I'm not without a care in the world. I do have plenty on my plate but I have come to accept, AGAIN, that we live in a dark world. There are beautiful things out there in the light and yet, I feel that removing myself from them would allow me to see their beauty when I do come to peek out of the darkness I plunge myself willingly into. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I had no other choices. I do. I had selected my own. It brings me to life. It brings my writing to a better standing level. I do enjoy it and balance will come in time.

Beware though, I am no Goth, I don't always dress in black (I mean I might be dark doesn't mean I am suicidal enough to go out in this boiling temperature in black). It's not that my style is horror. It's close to it, mind you. I like my created world to be dark and twisted. Like some kind of stone labyrinth toppled by dark clouds. You never know what will be at the corner. You never want to wait in the safety of the open and hope nothing will happen. Things will happen and I do hope my writing will make it so that you will want to poke your head around the corner and see the sights I have promised myself to deliver.

So my project is going to be darker. It's seething through the beginning of Act II and I will hope it will show the darker aspects of the story I had started. I told myself I will try to keep the supernatural to a background and put more psychological fears into play. I got my mind set on a few things but they will wait until I finish this ongoing project. BH is still pretty much about my own experience of a Father-child relation. Sure, it has some fantasy aspects but the message should remain as I intended to be at the beginning: The work and sacrifice of a parent discovered by its child. Sounds easy and simple enough.

The month of August will all be about finishing that Act II and making sure it flows before I step into the final Act and conclusion of the story. All this thinking brought also some interesting ideas and concept for my other pet prject: Tenshi no Owari. Remember the anime series I started on? Yes, you got it. I have not forgotten about it. It's a long process and I don't think it will become any lighter than the first episode I've written a month and a half ago.

It's dark and dandy. I hope all of you keep on reading (since none of you seems to post other than email me directly...still wondering why this is happening. Someone got to tell me.)
I guess, I did want to say a little hello to all my blog readers out there. August is coming and it will be one hot and dark month for me.

Now, flush that light and look at the shadow. I'm there looking at you.

Natalie makes me smile.

Maybe I feel a bit blue... I'm a bit saddened by the game we've lost.But if there was but one person that could make me smile. It is my muse, my personal unknowing angel, the one I look up to with admiration and utter respectful affection:Natalie Portman.

I admit it, there's not a single script or piece of writing that doesn't have her in mind. Each main female lead I create is with her in mind. She has that much impact on my writing. It's shameless to say so but then again, I don't need to hide that from anyone.

One song that reminds me of that single performance. This performance that swept my heart and mind: Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter"A simple song I can say is one of my few favorites of all time.So there it is, that single song that makes me sigh with a smile.

I wish I had this angel by my side.

Ticked off Bleus' fan!

It started as a passionate game. Sometimes, passion can fuel a lot of events that are not supposed to happen.Les Bleus had a few issues before the world cup and it showed at the beginning of the tournament. They eventually woke up and the cheers went out from fans all over the world.

It was Zizou' swan song. His last appearance on a football field and was given the chance to lead France's Bleus. This brought me to go on and watch or follow their games with a renewed fervor.They've beaten the favorites, the Brazilians, with a wonderful shot. They even smirked on Portugal to get to the final match. It would be an event to remember. Les Bleus would conquer the world cup one more time and allow Zizou to go into a blaze of glory.

Then, Italy Vs France happened.

A lot of pumped fans watching their respective team reach for the gold. At 110 minutes into the game, Zizou, who had scored a goal on a penalty shot, headbutted Matterazi on the chest. Something shitty happened. Zidane is known to be calm and reserved but will have outbursts of anger (as against Saudi Arabia in 2002). What happened? What did the Azzuri player said to upset Zidane on his last match?I started to shake. I knew he would be red carded and he was. I told myself there's a chance to do something here.

Les Bleus still had Viera and Henry in the game. Bad call on replacing Henry with Trezeguet. The game would go into extended time. It would then go into penalty shots and D.Trezeguet screwed up. His ball went to high.C'est la finale, David, t'as pensé a quoi pour tirer si haut? T'es pas un nouveau. C'est le Mundial. Je te réserve les huets que tu mérites. Honte à toi.

Yes, Zidane's action was a slap. There will be repercussions about this game. Tomorrow, at Les Elysés, the fans will not be happy. I predict a few police actions to cool off the possible frustration and anger in Marseilles, Paris and in the Midi. It's a passionate game.

The Italians won the 2006 Cup on a tirade that shouldn't have been. I'm saddened for Zidane. I'm saddened for France.I silently left out the café in tears. I hoped Zizou wouldn't have done what he did. This is not the final I was hoping for. I wanted a beautiful game without those cheap shots or without any penalty shots. Clean and dry, in the field.

Shame on us for lowering our standards and forgetting our cool. On aurait pu faire mieux. On aurait pu faire tellement mieux. Ca craint pas, c'est pire.

Chapeau par contre a Ribery, Henry, Sagnol et le reste des Bleus pour un effort qui malheureusement a fini en échec.

Here are the movies I've (re)watched over my vacation week:
Godfather
Godfather Part II
Heat
Flightplan
Broken Flowers
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
The Matador
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Superman returns
Cars
Session 9

Read more than a couple of scripts as well and a couple of Chinese movies. I should be starting The Black Hammer - Act 2 this week.

It felt good to be at home and relaxing. Felt good to pick up some air and unwind. If anything, this free time confirmed to a lot of my friends that I am a night owl. I creatively work better during the evening and at night.

Oh yes, before I conclude this entry, someone emailed me about my previous entry and yes, my entries are not all meant to be coherent at times. Hence the title.

puke...the mental kind.

This post is not organized. Not categorized. It's just a real mind puke on things ripping at me.

Yes, I've got Asian descent. Yes, I look the part and once upon a time, I've wished I looked different.I wished I was white so I wouldn't be treated differently.

Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is a sickness but thankfully, it can be cured. To take that cure though, one needs to know he/she is sick.He/she needs to have a willingness to learn and to accept.

It's pretty closed minded. It's pretty shitty sometimes to be stared upon with that kind of glare. I had to remind myself we are in the 21st century.

Of course, it doesn't mean that stereotyping is limited to race. There are plenty of ways to be discriminated: Social status, education, sexuality, age, religion.

I wouldn't break the mold. I can't be strong enough to change the world and the views of everyone on this planet. You got to be pc about it too. You can't just talk about your differences outloud.People will judge you. Appearance, writing or whatever you will do. It's human nature to point at the differences. Don't talk about them. It just may look like you're trying to bring pity from other people.

It's so full of shit.

My experiences are not unique. Universally, others have felt and gone through the experiences I've had in my life. I live my differences every day. I don't deny them anymore. I've accepted who I am.It's fate, it's life. Name it however you want. It remains just who I am. Nothing trivial about it. We all carry our crosses.Who said life was easy?

Some may have had an easier start. Silver spoon and silky sheets. I've never had that but I can tell this much. After all this time, I wouldn't exchange my life for anything else in this world. Why?Why wouldn't I want to be someone else? To have something else better to start with? Because I understand I need to work at this. I need to achieve those goals. I'd get help but I'll never beg for it. Question of pride perhaps but it will nonetheless be me.

So who am I? What do I want?

I'm me. I want to smile when I reach the finish line in whatever endeavor I start.

Took me awhile to understand things. To understand my place here. Sure, I'd be a liar to say I know why I'm here. To say that I know EXACTLY who I am. I am learning though. Day after day. Tear after tear.If my life had to end, I'd want to know I've made some kind of impact. I am not alone.

So there I am. This poor Chinese guy in his mid thirties with dreams and goals. Dreams and goals that people will nod me with and then chuckle on the way out. Got nothing-- Nothing or no one to really support me other than with just words. I'm that American dream. Nothing in my pockets but every images of what I desire to achieve in mind.

Because those goals are things I love. Things I wanted to achieve. I don't want to get them for free. I never asked for anything from anyone for free. I work for it. I sweat and cry for them.
I am still here. Like Bruce Lee, I know I got something to do. Like him, I do my best to get there. It's a long road ahead but I've got faith. Faith in me. Faith in those images and hopes.

I should be pissed at everyone. I should be pissed at my life. I was. I honestly was pissed at everything and everyone for having things I never had. Then, after time, I realized I will have what I want. It's just a question of time.There's no if. There's only a when. Some people had shown some faith and confidence in my ability to write and to tell a story. They know I've got an imagination that continuously run even if most of the time, I will remain quiet.

At times, everyone needs a good kick in the ass to remember they need to step forward. I do. Every fucking day, I do. I see where I live. What I have. I'm content but know I can do more. I can do better.It's a pledge. Not a requiem in any way.

Even if sometimes, it does feel like it is.

Looking ahead at my screen

Another sleepless Friday night

Actually, Saturday morning -- Could have gone out to Tokyo but couldn't get my lazy ass off anywhere. Beside, I'm broke and preferred to focus on writing some more. That went off the window as I started watching Kurosawa's masterpiece: The Seven Samurai. A beautiful movie. Simple and yet, with a good dose of complexity in the characters and atmosphere.After watching the whole "Samurai 7" anime series, I had to watch the film it based itself on and what a treat. I think I should watch Yojimbo, Throne of Blood and Kagemusha again. Watched RAN recently (like every year) and my Kurosawa's attack had not dwindled down for now. Then again, it might just be a Samurai's rush to cleam my mind from Cruise "Last Samurai".So after Shogun Samurai, Samurai Fiction (Beautiful) and Okamoto's Sword of Doom, I feel the need to see some more Japanese style cut and slash.

My ongoing project has lifted up in the air last week-end and 17% of it is done at the moment. Spoke to Gauchita about it and she thinks it sounds like a good idea. Never shared this with anyone else online but there's a good amount of trust I give to some people out here. From a paranoid freak, that's saying a lot about my respect for her. I do like brainstorming but I usually do it with a couple of people in real life. My boss, Don and my best friend, Nick are two I regularly speak to about my projects.

It's sometimes tough not to have a crowd of writers I could speak to on a regular basis but thankfully, I got DDers. Hi Monica. Should at least acknowledge people that take the time to email me. All comes down to respect. Some would say it is a business. I say that if I live in it, this business becomes somewhat personal. Nothing wrong with being friendly and knowing people. Some may be snobs and ignore me-- In due time, see who will be the one smirking.

So yes, I have some kind of beef with 2A now. Maybe some are reading this blog and putting me on ignore after reading my disappointment in them. Well, tough luck. Reciprocation wasn't made. I'm turning the page. Too bad really. Of course, a couple of members there are also friends from DDP so no hard feelings toward them since they had contacted me in the past. The only reason why I would go there now is to check on CE. OF course, I have his blog and that will make it my fix.

Questions and answers. Yaddee Yadda. Couple of emails and PMs about my Natalie Portman's adulation. Some people actually think it is nothing else but a physical attraction. I'd answer and say that I would be blind not to be swept away by her beauty but it is her presence that makes me drop to my knees. I could have a long discussion or post about Nat but I'm going to leave it at that for now. She is my muse. There is no denying this. All my main female characters are based on her look and presence. Here's another goal of mine, isn't it?

I'm off for a week starting today. I plan on bringing my project to the beginning of Act 2 at the very least. Other than that, I have a few scripts to read and movies to watch. Saturday (technically today) will all be about the World Cup. Go France and England! After the joke of a game I've seen with Portugal, I have lost a lot of respect for them. Brazil, on the other hand, is a favourite of mine but seeing that I am also French, I will give my nods to Zizou and Titi. Allez les Bleus!

It's going to be a short post. Got to keep it short.

Something else that popped in my head is my sight on those agencies out there. ICM, UTA or CAA. I'd be a moron not to drool over one of the agencies representing me either for a project (pocket) or stable relation. Need to also find a manager. Sure, I need to focus on the writing. Sure, I need to bring something more than just a couple of scripts under my belt but heck, I will come to cross this bridge sooner than later. Got to plan ahead as well. It's business common sense, isn't it? I wonder about those boutiques so maybe someone can tag me on this and give me some ideas as of who I should be smiling first to.

I'm content with myself at this time. Not completely satisfied but I am at least confident I am heading somewhere. The rush of passion and the ecstatic feel of a first draft has gone by and faded. I'm on my two feet and no more am I making baby steps. A good friend talked to me about my knowledge of structure. I told her I knew it but I think she might have misunderstood my answer. I know structure's BASIS. I am learning still. There's a lot to do and achieve. You know who you are and thank you for the friendly slap. Needed that.

Up to now, I have 4-5 scripts on the table. I haven't done anything with them other than Copyrighting them. This project is something excellent. I feel amazing about it and God willing, I will be able to go down on my knees when it'll allow me to be in LAX.It's a long journey. It was a long path to get there, I've made it so far with nothing but a couple of friends supporting me morally. If you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. That's who I am. It's where I'm heading. I've said it before, I will take my time and each of the instant I pour myself on FD, I make it count.

Dreams...Blink Blink.