Rundown for September

Actress of the Month: Audrey Tautou
Absolutely wonderful in "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain", she cemented her presence this month with movies like, "Les Poupées Russes" and "Un Long Dimanche de Fiançailles". I'm looking to add "L'Auberge Espagnole" and "A la folie...Pas du Tout". Bravo to Audrey.


DVD Purchase of the month: "United 93"
Amazingly touching movie. This could have been made in worse ways (read cheesy and overly dramatic) but ended up to be subtlely done. A movie to see if not just to remember that sometimes, we can stand together and take the most selfless of decisions.

DVD Rental of the month: "Hard Candy"
Gripping and not all that subtle, Hard Candy was still an interesting character studies written by Brian Nelson. Hard watch for some, Nelson could have certainly gone overboard with this little movie and instead remained on with enough to make you 'tastefully' wince. Ellen Page gave an incredible performance. Way to go, Ellen. I will be watching your ascent.

Movie of the month: "The Illusionist"
It hasn't been a great month for me and so catching features here and there, the only one that sticked in my mind for the past month was Edward Norton's performance in "The Illusionist". Always thought Norton to be one of those actors to watch again and again...He didn't prove me wrong this time around.

Music/Song of the month: "Hurt" performed by Johnny Cash.
I've written about that song in a previous post. Up to you to look through the archives.

I need my personal Amélie Poulain...

Il faut le dire un jour...Il faut le dire toujours.
C'est avec une certaine fierté que je peux me vanter d'être français.

Ben oui, une souffle en dehors de l'habituel anglais que j'écris sur mon blog. Ca va pas assurer pour ceux qui ne lisent pas la langue mais enfin.
Après tout, c'est en français que j'ai fait mes premiers pas d'écrivain en herbe. C'est en français que j'ai commencé à composer mes poèmes et petites histoires.
Alors, un retour à la source était sans doute qu'un moment que je n'ai fait que de retarder.

J'aurais pu continuer à écrire en français, non?
Oui, j'aurais pu mais par contre le futur que j'envisage pour moi est en anglais et comme à Hollywood, la majorité ne parle qu'en cette langue, faudrait que je sois gonflé pour introduire mes scénarios en français.
L'avantage que je possède (enfin, je crois) est que je peux m'exprimer dans les deux langues avec une confiance acquise et travaillée, hein?
Le p'tit mec, il se souvient quand il a essayé de raconter une blague en anglais. Il se souvient aussi de l'expression béate de la dame qui n'a pas compris un mot de ce que je lui ai dit.
Faut faire, quand même. Faut vouloir...Et moi, eh bien, j'ai voulu.

La France pour moi est un souvenir doux et aussi amer. Il y avait de super bon moments là bas mais il y en avait de plus mauvais encore.
J'ai voulu oublié la France et pourtant...Pourtant, la France...Elle ne m'a pas quittée. Coquine et téméraire, je lui dois beaucoup de souffrance. Peut-être bien que je suis maso en fin de compte.
Des souvenirs d'école suivis de moments d'isolation. Je me demande ce qu'ils sont devenus tous ces camarades de classes. La douleur, ça s'oublie pas...Et moi, avec tout l'acharnement et bien que me poussant à penser que je sois en mesure de le faire, je l'aime encore ma chère France.
J'ai hate de me retrouver dans un bistrot avec un steak frites. J'ai envie de revoir toutes ses rues dans lesquelles je me suis baladé dans mon enfance.
Le gout d'un croissant au beurre ou d'une chouquette fraiche, d'une glace en me promenant dans les jardins du Luxembourg, de me régaler de pain d'épice...Tout ça est là-bas. Pas si loin et toujours pas si près.

Ouf, c'est dur de se taper en français après toutes ces années. Alors, les copains et copines, si vous apercevez des fautes de grammaire ou d'orthographe, va falloir me pardonner.

And so I'll switch back to the English I've been using all these years ever since high school.

I wanted to remember who I was...And browsing through all these stores, I've come (again) to roam into a video store. You go figure this one out.
Funny enough, I've stopped along the Best Buy's French movies section and thought of that movie I've seen a couple of years back.

Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain.

And Jean-Pierre Jeunet did it again. He reminded me of another little piece of my heart that I've pushed away for too long.
Sure, it's a feel good movie but the little scenes, those little gestures and the language brought me so many memories. I don't know why I bought the movie. I've seen it once before
and didn't remember anything about it. I certainly didn't remember Audrey Tautou...Until I've seen her again in Amélie.

Now? Mademoiselle Tautou is up there along my favourite actresses...And you might think I have quite a few. I don't.
I don't drool over Alba, Simpson or Biel. I don't go ga-ga for Lohan or Scarlett... It takes someone special to be in my personal list and Mademoiselle Tautou got all over it with only a couple of movies.
The expression in her eyes, that sweet voice and that soft smile were just plenty to make me want to give her a hug? What the hell? You thought I would have indecent thoughts about the ladies I have in my list?
If you do, you got a lot to learn about me.

I thought it was because of her role in Amélie but it wasn't just that. So I've watched L'auberge espagnole and A very Long Engagement to see if I would still smile when she would appear onscreen.
She did so without hesitation and took my heart with just a look.

So Audrey Tautou is up there with Natalie Portman, Grace Park and Ellen Page. I can't stay at just four, being the superstitious man. I am seeking my fifth Lady...And thought of the incredibly talented Aya Ueto.
There I was with an Israeli, French, Korean, Canadian and Japanese to fill my dreams...Of a great meal at a bistrot.

The point of this post?


Why? I didn't know I needed a reason to write my thoughts.

Remember. It's who you are.

Remember who you are.

Where you came from and why you're here.

HURT reminds me of all that and although I'm no drug addict, I can relate to what kind of pain the lyrics talk about. Friends gone and everything you've done seem to be trivial.

It's been a freaking long road for me.

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel

2 years ago, I've thought 2005 to be my last year on this earth. There was too much pain, too much of everything and I came down to bulk everything inside instead of letting go. Thankfully, I've met some great people that gave me that understanding nod that I will go on.

People I thought to be friends of mine vanish away when I needed them the most. Material things and financial well-being have again faded into a black cloud. I didn't know where to turn. I didn't want help from anyone else. This pain, I've thought it was the same I've dealt with many times before. I was wrong. I was heading down to blow my own candle.

I know now how wrong I was. I know it's rough to be living day by day but if anything, I have just to look up to the sky. Remind myself someone is watching over me. It has to be, I've done too much to still be standing today. I know I've pushed everything and everyone that tried to help me away when I needed them.

I'm blessed to know my family and friends stick with me through my healing first stage. I am broken still and I cannot heal these wounds. I just bear them but unlike before, I will not hide them away. They made me the man I am today.

I've hurt and let people down in the past. I swore to myself I will never do so again.

It had taken a lot to bring me where I was. I'm a fighter and a survivor. I know this but life has a way to come back to you and remind you that nothing is what it seems and nothing can be taken for granted. Funny thing and my problem is that I've known this, my fear of losing the best things in my life choke them out.

The wake-up call was the hardest thing I had to experience...But I found a way.

Much like I will find a way to bring what I hold dear close to me. May it be writing or a certain woman, I did realize what chance was given to me.

I am still right here.
I will find a way.

Down the barrel

Where am I at?

At the moment, I am taking a little break from features and working on TnO instead. It’s refreshing and for some reason, it feels like it is attracting more. Sure, animation has always been a love of mine and still, I do know it is nearly impossible to push down a spec on an animated series. I have faith in this series. I hope it does go somewhere.

I also know I need to focus on the features first and start going into competitions. I’m targeting the 2007’s Nicholl if I can finish FoD. Not easy to write a drama without any actions. God knows I will try though even if this costs money I could use for something else.

In a personal side of life: I don’t know where my head is at. I just have nothing else but writing going on for me and when I do stop, I do feel this great gap. Going to poetry nights, watching movies and nothing else really of any consequences to my career brought me to wonder about things around me. It wasn’t always this way and maybe, just maybe, my life has come to be what it is. Dreaming and writing with a passion that I hold as the best part of me are what I have going for me.

The only places I can find some fellow writers at the moment are online. I know no one else in Montreal and that’s maybe another gap I will have to work at. Only a couple of friends I have here have given me some opinions and nothing else. I’ve been seriously thinking of moving to Vancouver but since I’m not a millionaire and far from a great financial support, I have to weight things up. It’s the tough part. Do something with nothing at all and it seems that if I do fail, I will be on my own. More the pity but hey, I know I’m a fighter. I will go on until I can’t type or imagine things no more.

I should be content. I should thank Heaven for what I have and I do. I’m not that much of an ingrate. I work to be where I want to be. It’s just that sometimes; I feel I’m standing all alone. Not asking for any pity. Not asking for anything but a tap on the shoulder. A tap that says, hey, I’m watching over you and if anything let me know.

Used to have that until I fucked things up. I think of that regularly. What if? What could have been?

It’s been over two years now and I still feel like I’m sinking. People tell me it takes two to tango, for the worst or the best of things. I don’t like to blame anyone else but myself. Too late for that. Game over on this chapter and trying to move on is one hard thing to do. I am at this moment, romantically, dead in the water. Fucking baggage.

So now, I’m looking up to the writer’s life with a bittersweet smile. It’s reality check time and I go along with it…

Maybe it’s really a damn fate of mine...And like Bruce Willis said, looking into his reflection on a mirror.

"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile, you fuck." The Last Boy scout - 1991

Priscilla YAY

Although she might not have the time to catch it online in time...

To someone who makes me smile and doesn't mind doing so...
To someone who I wish was much closer to me in every meaning of the word...
To someone who has not forgotten her humour and a truly good heart...
To someone who I wish I could possibly have the guts to tell how I feel...
To someone who, reading these words, might just back away from me...

I had to say it. I can't help but feeling it... I just wish on that special day what I know someone who knows us to also see as right... If it could be, I certainly would try to reach.

Happy B-Day Priscilla. May your best wishes come true and all the blessings in the world for you.

With much love and respect...

PRISON BREAK

Not much really about writing but I got to say I LOVE this show.
So my little hats off to all those who work on Prison Break and a hello to all the fans.


Hail to Wentworth, Dominic and the gang.

ARE YOU MENTAL?

Reverse of the medal

Yin and Yang.

No, I'm not trying to be philosophical here. Just thought it was interesting to see how my mind actually work at times. Especially when it comes down to writing and the creativity I try to explore and pour into words. Of course, everyone knows there's always a reverse side to anything. Always a plus and a minus, a good and a bad, a light and dark side.

So yes, I am writing on 2 different projects. Maybe not the brightest idea but man, do I ever feel better when I write. I can focus on the dark side of things with my gothic Action tale and deal with my lighter side on the ongoing little family drama. One is filled with special fx, most of them I believe to be low budget while others are going to be more expensive...And all of it happens during Napoleonic times. If I was listening to a few fellas out there, I would probably never sell this one. Who said it couldn't be a good assessment of my writing abilities, eh?

The other one is still about what I came to write during the Summer. I'm definitely having fun with that and hope to finish it in time for the Nicholl's. A few of you have encouraged me to go ahead and I really thank you for it (especially if it advances anywhere). After four scripts and an ongoing anime project, these will be my fifth and sixth. Talk about keeping the spirit up. Not easy at times. I can tell you that much.

I'm happy though, I'm writing as much as I can and it makes me feel liberated. Having all those ideas in my head kinda keep me up at nights. Some of my friends ask me how I can keep up with everything else. How I do make time for my writing and the research that goes along with it. I usually just tell them it comes from passion. If I go further, passion brings dedication into my mind. Dedication brings perfectionism...Two sides of the medal. So yes, I do come back to my writing, scrap a lot and change it around. Good thing is, I don't need to slap my forehead anymore. The wall is amazing, tyvm.

I take a lot of time to research, outline and write. As soon as I get home from work, my mind focuses mostly on my writing and when not, I can be found 'relaxing' over at DD. So yes, that's my excuse on not writing on my blog as much as I should. I'm really trying though so there's that much. After all, wouldn't you just rather see me writing on my script than posting on my blog? Huh? HUH?

Long week-end and what a nice week-end. Plenty of fun, writing and more...well...writing. Yes! Been pretty aloof on anything social this summer. After a few attempts on addressing my social standing, I realized I've utterly failed at anything not included in my writing parameters. Got to balance it out eventually. I certainly will try to arrange something better next summer. In the meanwhile, I got plenty of time to write. Something must be wrong here. I am still smiling.

Ah yes, received also a couple of emails from past stories readers asking me if I will come back to write in short story form. Well, since I'm way to lazy to respond to them by email and knowing they do come here to read my blog, here is my answer. Yes and no. Okay? Right, I do write in short story form to give me an extra feel on my script and no, I will not put them anywhere online as I previously did. Sorry, fellas but thanks for the nod anyway.

So, I got more than 90 days to finish these two ongoing scripts if my mind doesn't go bye-bye on me before.

Valium....Hmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmm...

And on a personal note: Priscilla, if you read this...Good luck with the coming teaching terms...I really miss you. <3








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