DMNY likes: "Last Exile"

Watched the "Last Exile" series yesterday. DVD covers by none other than Range Murata and as a little nod, I couldn't resist playing with one image I found online.

What about the series?

Rent it! Even better...Buy it!

A true gem from Gonzo and a nice time for any steam punks and cloudheads (Miyazaki fans anyone?) out there. Each of the 26 episodes makes you want to see the next.

I'm still humming the "Open Sky" from Hitomi Kuroishi, the song for the end credits.

Happy Christmas to all of you, readers.

A thought...not so far away.

On this festive season, I'd like to remember a special someone.
I know you can read this, darling.

Of all times, I wish I could swim in your warmth.

And even far away, I didn't forget...So this is with much love from me to you.

Nickelback - Far Away Lyrics

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
[2x]
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe and, Hold on to me and, never let me go
[2x]
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

DMNY likes Free Times

It's been a while since I've updated my blog but with all the negativity that happened recently, I thought I needed to give it some rest. Didn't take the restructuration that hard other than financially. Sure, I do miss my old job and the people I used to see on a daily basis but againI still think this is life. Nothing is eternal. I just wished they did the restructuration after the holidays if not only for the chances of finding another job quickly.

I should find a job pretty easily with my background (a HR lady from IBM kindly confirmed this) and maybe I ought to grab a job ASAP. Thing is, I know my worth and will not settle for anything less. I'm not some new brat on the block.and like IBM, I will continue to refuse positions until I find the right one. It'll allow me more time to write.

The extra time gave me plenty of opportunity to research on different subjects and matters for upcoming scripts. From Taoism to San Francisco's Chinatown, I've looked deeper until I was able to find the little hints I was unawarely looking for. It should be fun.

I've left GoD for the moment because of different factors. Factors which writers are divided upon. One of them is budget and cost of production. GoD is one of those projectsI feel will be very expensive to make. The background, the settings and the special FX alone would be tremendously expensive. Could turn into an animated movie for adults but I'm not in Japan and honestly, when have I seen an adult/horror animated movie from N.America?

Exactly.

I've listened to a lot of music and watched even more movies (classic and recent) than ever. Spent a lot of money to purchase loads of movies I didn't have or didn't see. I got to stop doing that with myfinancial status at the moment. After all, Xmas has been somewhat cancelled for me. No gift purchases and not asking for any.

I'll be spending Xmas day with family and Boxing day with friends. I'm not sure about New Year's eve, got a couple of invites but no idea if I'm going to accept any of them. I'm not really in any sort of festive mood.

No news whatsoever on MT friends, not even a blink. I guess I should turn the page on them but somehow, I still hold on to that part of my life. Silly emotional me.

Not much else to say. I will keep you folks updated on my misadventures in the real world.

Man, I do wish I had a blue pill.

Glint of Dark

A little teaser I made for Glint Of Dark. Just for the fun of it really.

Movements

My apologies for all my readers, I was not able to update my blog more often. It’s been a heck of a month with my time working on one of my scripts and although I did take the time to do other things, most of them resulted pulling me outside my virtual e-world.

So without further ado, here is a little update and I do hope to make another one in the middle of December.

I am currently working on the dark fantasy “Glint Of Dark” second rewrite and will push this script for competitions along with all my upcoming queries in 2007. I understand this is its genre might not appeal to everyone but my niche had already been focused on certain prod-cos. I left certain avenues in the script open for the possibility of a sequel. So here goes for the possible franchise.

“Glint of Dark” for those who don’t know is my attempt to redefine legendary beings within a religious background. I could have gone into a drama, horror or even a thriller but I chose to head toward action. Up to now, it’s moving nicely and will be available to read as soon as I send this one to the LOC for certification.

I have also started to think on ideas for other scripts and stories. All of them away from GoD’s fantasy genre. There will be action thrillers involving my usual dark/gritty territories. I will take the time to develop those as soon as the current project is finished.

There you go for now. Exciting stuff as far as writing goes…Other than that, I’m still staring at the white wall in front of me.

Where’s the frakking whip?

Right...Too much BSG.

For those of you who may think the screenwriter’s path to be one of ease, you got it all wrong. It’s not easy. It’s torturous. You walk in there without a light and choking yourself. It’s not a death march. You’re already deadish.

So why in Heaven’s name do you want to get in there?

Well, I don’t know about you, ladies and gents. For me, this mental suffocation is something I’ve started about a decade ago.

Sure, it wasn’t scripts. Sure, it wasn’t for a sale in mind. It all started with poetry, song lyrics and little essays. These, in turn, became short stories. Writing became much more than a self gratification tool, it went to more than just friends and family. It went to people I had no clue existed and through a media I couldn’t care less a couple of years back; the internet. There, through the web,people I didn’t know turned to be online readers and after awhile, they were called friends.

A screenwriter starts, imo, because of a drive he has to tell a story. Sometimes, the author’s name is lost and all that is left is a good story. I’ve been told many times to use my imagination. I’ve also been told I was a daydreamer.The most important nod to me came from readers who claimed that I was a story teller.

I believe that. I am a story teller but the difference with me is the goal. I don’t want my name to be forgotten. I wish for people to remember and link those stories I told back at me.

Is it fame then? Is it the life of a Hollywood writer I want?

I’ll be blunt. If I wanted to just please myself and jerk off some paragraphs, I would have stayed with poetry. It’s a drive. It’s now much more than just a need to tell a story and to share it with a circle of friends. This, dear readers, is what I want out of life. After all time writing and pouring myself into stories, it would be a shame to let it all go to waste.

Don’t think I am blowing my own horn here. I understand I have some way to go before I get to the gold. To touch that way of life I had secretly craved for.

What do I have to help me out? Friends and connections linked to writing? Sure but they are right now all online. I want them to concretize into reality. Read this, friends, I used want. Not desire or need. It’s TO WANT and even CRAVE all of it.

At the beginning, I thought to have wasted a decade, writing anything else but scripts. Now, I see it as an investment. Nobody else did it for me. No one can take that away. It’s my path. I learned a great deal from it.

So there you go… What? What do you mean it’s not enough? Heard of the saying:

“Faith can move mountains”?

That’s where I am. Steaming away on faith and it’s not only thanks to readers and friends believing in me. It’s a matter of believing in me. Time after time, scripts after scripts, I am building myself. Maybe I would not be in shape to show those first scripts to anyone but the beauty of it all is they can be rewritten, polished, revised. The skills evolve and tease my craving.

Stop right there, mister. You haven’t sold yet.

That’s true. Very true…And like an amazing meal I would go for, it will take time and dedication to get there. This is no McD’s. This is not Burger King. When you want a truly palatable food, you take the time to cook it. You take the time to save enough so that you can get there. Silly metaphor or comparison but hey, if it gets the message across, it’s fine by me.

So how much do I believe in my writing?

Ask me if I smiled not that long ago… less than a year ago when I decided to take on the craft of screenwriting? I would have turned and fell on my knees in despair. I knew nothing of the craft. I didn’t even know what a script looked or read like.

Friends, I am smiling while writing this. I am not going to lie. I’m not even a long shot close to where I see myself in skills and in life. There’s plenty still to learn but at the very least, I can have a very good understanding of the basic. From outlining to drafting, from notes to structure, I continue to absorb it all. I am not fronting. I don’t need to. I don’t even want to. This is my life. This is not some frakking fantasy I only dream about.

I am building it. This fantasy. This life. This world I want to be into.

Blah, you’re just pumping some false confidence in yourself.

After all I’ve been through in the past couple of years, this confidence is nothing if not true. The little Chinese guy that knew nothing of English will be heard sooner or later. I feel nothing but drive to get to the blink blink la la land. It’s not a question of wishing. It’s a question of survival for me. IT’s do or die. There are no doubts it will only become a matter of time instead of just a possibility. I sweat from that dream every time I type onto my script or when I talk about writing to the point of dehydration.

I will improve because I must be there. I want to be able to smile and share my experience as well as my stories.

It’s that story teller in me. Had to start somewhere.

And word to the wise:

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF IF NOT, NO ONE WILL
(of course that doesn't mean you got to do nothing...)

Now pass the water bottle. ;-)

PS... And a hello to my possibly new blog reader: Amy.

Remembering each of you

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth anything. All these sacrifices, all these sufferings shouldn’t have been done in vain.

I have good things going for me now, a good job and a great boss. I also have a bit more time taking care of my own things and hobbies. Yet, this hobby of mine, this writing that kept my sanity in check for the past decade makes me wonder where I am now.

Everyone has their own Golgotha. Everyone has a cross to carry up the harsh path up the hill. Sometimes, that fucking hill feels like a mountain and this is one of these times. I stopped to see where I am and the path I’ve gone through. Hell, I normally do that at New Year’s eve but I needed to do that now.

One great thing I’ve learned this week is Jay’s work and dream had gone through. I am honestly proud and glad he had made it. There are a few people I could cheer on and say I’ve felt this way. Funny enough, I only know him through the internet but I feel this rush of happiness for him. He had worked so hard to be where he is. I wish him even more success. You show them, James… Canadians should not be forgotten.

I’ve also exchanged a few notes with Christopher and man, this gentleman amazes me each time I talk to him. Decent, kind and generous with his time, one day, that I come to work with his agency or not, I will keep him updated and in touch. Funny enough, he is also one of the guys I’ve met online and not in real life.

Truth be told, I’ve met a lot of great people online through DD and 2A. Even though, some may think it’s a curse to be a moderator in DD, I see it as a blessing more than anything else. To be able to see the 2 sides of the board made me realize the work the admin/mod team has made throughout the years. Of course, there will always be people who claim otherwise.

Anyhow, this rant was meant to talk about where I was. It’s been a decade I’ve been writing short stories and little adventures. It’s been less than a year I decided to wake up and take screenwriting on. My dream. My life. Sacrifice relationships, parties and time off for something that had grown beyond the hobbies’ realm. I have no regrets.
I’ve heard enough from fellow writers to motivate me. Not the general nod but the personal ones. You know who you are and there are no thanks great enough for the push you have given me. Bless each of your days, Ladies and gentlemen. You do mean the world to me. Too all my readers and those who had taken the time to listen to my ideas and my stories, I give you all a piece of my heart. You are my secret and each time I do write; please do remember I am thinking of each of you.

It’s been a little step forward since February 2006. I haven’t sold yet simply because I have not looked for anything at this point other than to better my skills. I am still there, dear friends and readers, and I promise you that my dream is still alive. This is no farewell note but just a thought I wanted to share with all of you.

So your thoughts, prayers and whatever help you have and will give me will not go unnoticed.

Bless you all.

La baston reinventée / Reinvented Fight scenes

And there I have something to bring up to the fight scenes in my script. Sure, blades and guns are a part of the scenes along with martial arts and possibly the need for wire work. Yet, I need my scenes to be raw and real, to hit the screen in a mix of new style while remaining close to the traditional pieces I have in mind.

Kung-Fu? Muay Thai? Keysi Fighting Method (as used in Batman Begins)? Maybe...But my story happens to be in France and what better way to show off fencing and savate? What about incorporate a bit of parkour? Too new? Done already? Ah but, I have something in mind and given the period and the myths I am using in my script, this has yet to be brought to the audience. A boom after a bang, a swoosh after a ping...Act 1 shows but hints of what comes to be in Act 2.

And act 3? I intend to make it explosive. To bring horror and fantasy to step over what was only vindicated through special FX. Different than "The Matrix" and "Underworld", steps over the beauty of District 13 and Yamakazis. Battle scenes with a raging fury where grace, agility will blend completely with weapons and martial arts.

It's time for something new. It's time to nod to "Le Pacte des Loups" which had been a corner stone in my mind for period pieces and action. This is "A Glint Of Dark" and I am as excited as you to see this brought to a first stop. And the next step will be to bring it to either competition OR directly to the studios.

But here, let me leave you with a hint at how my characters would move in fights.

Rundown for September

Actress of the Month: Audrey Tautou
Absolutely wonderful in "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain", she cemented her presence this month with movies like, "Les Poupées Russes" and "Un Long Dimanche de Fiançailles". I'm looking to add "L'Auberge Espagnole" and "A la folie...Pas du Tout". Bravo to Audrey.


DVD Purchase of the month: "United 93"
Amazingly touching movie. This could have been made in worse ways (read cheesy and overly dramatic) but ended up to be subtlely done. A movie to see if not just to remember that sometimes, we can stand together and take the most selfless of decisions.

DVD Rental of the month: "Hard Candy"
Gripping and not all that subtle, Hard Candy was still an interesting character studies written by Brian Nelson. Hard watch for some, Nelson could have certainly gone overboard with this little movie and instead remained on with enough to make you 'tastefully' wince. Ellen Page gave an incredible performance. Way to go, Ellen. I will be watching your ascent.

Movie of the month: "The Illusionist"
It hasn't been a great month for me and so catching features here and there, the only one that sticked in my mind for the past month was Edward Norton's performance in "The Illusionist". Always thought Norton to be one of those actors to watch again and again...He didn't prove me wrong this time around.

Music/Song of the month: "Hurt" performed by Johnny Cash.
I've written about that song in a previous post. Up to you to look through the archives.

I need my personal Amélie Poulain...

Il faut le dire un jour...Il faut le dire toujours.
C'est avec une certaine fierté que je peux me vanter d'être français.

Ben oui, une souffle en dehors de l'habituel anglais que j'écris sur mon blog. Ca va pas assurer pour ceux qui ne lisent pas la langue mais enfin.
Après tout, c'est en français que j'ai fait mes premiers pas d'écrivain en herbe. C'est en français que j'ai commencé à composer mes poèmes et petites histoires.
Alors, un retour à la source était sans doute qu'un moment que je n'ai fait que de retarder.

J'aurais pu continuer à écrire en français, non?
Oui, j'aurais pu mais par contre le futur que j'envisage pour moi est en anglais et comme à Hollywood, la majorité ne parle qu'en cette langue, faudrait que je sois gonflé pour introduire mes scénarios en français.
L'avantage que je possède (enfin, je crois) est que je peux m'exprimer dans les deux langues avec une confiance acquise et travaillée, hein?
Le p'tit mec, il se souvient quand il a essayé de raconter une blague en anglais. Il se souvient aussi de l'expression béate de la dame qui n'a pas compris un mot de ce que je lui ai dit.
Faut faire, quand même. Faut vouloir...Et moi, eh bien, j'ai voulu.

La France pour moi est un souvenir doux et aussi amer. Il y avait de super bon moments là bas mais il y en avait de plus mauvais encore.
J'ai voulu oublié la France et pourtant...Pourtant, la France...Elle ne m'a pas quittée. Coquine et téméraire, je lui dois beaucoup de souffrance. Peut-être bien que je suis maso en fin de compte.
Des souvenirs d'école suivis de moments d'isolation. Je me demande ce qu'ils sont devenus tous ces camarades de classes. La douleur, ça s'oublie pas...Et moi, avec tout l'acharnement et bien que me poussant à penser que je sois en mesure de le faire, je l'aime encore ma chère France.
J'ai hate de me retrouver dans un bistrot avec un steak frites. J'ai envie de revoir toutes ses rues dans lesquelles je me suis baladé dans mon enfance.
Le gout d'un croissant au beurre ou d'une chouquette fraiche, d'une glace en me promenant dans les jardins du Luxembourg, de me régaler de pain d'épice...Tout ça est là-bas. Pas si loin et toujours pas si près.

Ouf, c'est dur de se taper en français après toutes ces années. Alors, les copains et copines, si vous apercevez des fautes de grammaire ou d'orthographe, va falloir me pardonner.

And so I'll switch back to the English I've been using all these years ever since high school.

I wanted to remember who I was...And browsing through all these stores, I've come (again) to roam into a video store. You go figure this one out.
Funny enough, I've stopped along the Best Buy's French movies section and thought of that movie I've seen a couple of years back.

Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain.

And Jean-Pierre Jeunet did it again. He reminded me of another little piece of my heart that I've pushed away for too long.
Sure, it's a feel good movie but the little scenes, those little gestures and the language brought me so many memories. I don't know why I bought the movie. I've seen it once before
and didn't remember anything about it. I certainly didn't remember Audrey Tautou...Until I've seen her again in Amélie.

Now? Mademoiselle Tautou is up there along my favourite actresses...And you might think I have quite a few. I don't.
I don't drool over Alba, Simpson or Biel. I don't go ga-ga for Lohan or Scarlett... It takes someone special to be in my personal list and Mademoiselle Tautou got all over it with only a couple of movies.
The expression in her eyes, that sweet voice and that soft smile were just plenty to make me want to give her a hug? What the hell? You thought I would have indecent thoughts about the ladies I have in my list?
If you do, you got a lot to learn about me.

I thought it was because of her role in Amélie but it wasn't just that. So I've watched L'auberge espagnole and A very Long Engagement to see if I would still smile when she would appear onscreen.
She did so without hesitation and took my heart with just a look.

So Audrey Tautou is up there with Natalie Portman, Grace Park and Ellen Page. I can't stay at just four, being the superstitious man. I am seeking my fifth Lady...And thought of the incredibly talented Aya Ueto.
There I was with an Israeli, French, Korean, Canadian and Japanese to fill my dreams...Of a great meal at a bistrot.

The point of this post?


Why? I didn't know I needed a reason to write my thoughts.

Remember. It's who you are.

Remember who you are.

Where you came from and why you're here.

HURT reminds me of all that and although I'm no drug addict, I can relate to what kind of pain the lyrics talk about. Friends gone and everything you've done seem to be trivial.

It's been a freaking long road for me.

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel

2 years ago, I've thought 2005 to be my last year on this earth. There was too much pain, too much of everything and I came down to bulk everything inside instead of letting go. Thankfully, I've met some great people that gave me that understanding nod that I will go on.

People I thought to be friends of mine vanish away when I needed them the most. Material things and financial well-being have again faded into a black cloud. I didn't know where to turn. I didn't want help from anyone else. This pain, I've thought it was the same I've dealt with many times before. I was wrong. I was heading down to blow my own candle.

I know now how wrong I was. I know it's rough to be living day by day but if anything, I have just to look up to the sky. Remind myself someone is watching over me. It has to be, I've done too much to still be standing today. I know I've pushed everything and everyone that tried to help me away when I needed them.

I'm blessed to know my family and friends stick with me through my healing first stage. I am broken still and I cannot heal these wounds. I just bear them but unlike before, I will not hide them away. They made me the man I am today.

I've hurt and let people down in the past. I swore to myself I will never do so again.

It had taken a lot to bring me where I was. I'm a fighter and a survivor. I know this but life has a way to come back to you and remind you that nothing is what it seems and nothing can be taken for granted. Funny thing and my problem is that I've known this, my fear of losing the best things in my life choke them out.

The wake-up call was the hardest thing I had to experience...But I found a way.

Much like I will find a way to bring what I hold dear close to me. May it be writing or a certain woman, I did realize what chance was given to me.

I am still right here.
I will find a way.

Down the barrel

Where am I at?

At the moment, I am taking a little break from features and working on TnO instead. It’s refreshing and for some reason, it feels like it is attracting more. Sure, animation has always been a love of mine and still, I do know it is nearly impossible to push down a spec on an animated series. I have faith in this series. I hope it does go somewhere.

I also know I need to focus on the features first and start going into competitions. I’m targeting the 2007’s Nicholl if I can finish FoD. Not easy to write a drama without any actions. God knows I will try though even if this costs money I could use for something else.

In a personal side of life: I don’t know where my head is at. I just have nothing else but writing going on for me and when I do stop, I do feel this great gap. Going to poetry nights, watching movies and nothing else really of any consequences to my career brought me to wonder about things around me. It wasn’t always this way and maybe, just maybe, my life has come to be what it is. Dreaming and writing with a passion that I hold as the best part of me are what I have going for me.

The only places I can find some fellow writers at the moment are online. I know no one else in Montreal and that’s maybe another gap I will have to work at. Only a couple of friends I have here have given me some opinions and nothing else. I’ve been seriously thinking of moving to Vancouver but since I’m not a millionaire and far from a great financial support, I have to weight things up. It’s the tough part. Do something with nothing at all and it seems that if I do fail, I will be on my own. More the pity but hey, I know I’m a fighter. I will go on until I can’t type or imagine things no more.

I should be content. I should thank Heaven for what I have and I do. I’m not that much of an ingrate. I work to be where I want to be. It’s just that sometimes; I feel I’m standing all alone. Not asking for any pity. Not asking for anything but a tap on the shoulder. A tap that says, hey, I’m watching over you and if anything let me know.

Used to have that until I fucked things up. I think of that regularly. What if? What could have been?

It’s been over two years now and I still feel like I’m sinking. People tell me it takes two to tango, for the worst or the best of things. I don’t like to blame anyone else but myself. Too late for that. Game over on this chapter and trying to move on is one hard thing to do. I am at this moment, romantically, dead in the water. Fucking baggage.

So now, I’m looking up to the writer’s life with a bittersweet smile. It’s reality check time and I go along with it…

Maybe it’s really a damn fate of mine...And like Bruce Willis said, looking into his reflection on a mirror.

"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose. Smile, you fuck." The Last Boy scout - 1991

Priscilla YAY

Although she might not have the time to catch it online in time...

To someone who makes me smile and doesn't mind doing so...
To someone who I wish was much closer to me in every meaning of the word...
To someone who has not forgotten her humour and a truly good heart...
To someone who I wish I could possibly have the guts to tell how I feel...
To someone who, reading these words, might just back away from me...

I had to say it. I can't help but feeling it... I just wish on that special day what I know someone who knows us to also see as right... If it could be, I certainly would try to reach.

Happy B-Day Priscilla. May your best wishes come true and all the blessings in the world for you.

With much love and respect...

PRISON BREAK

Not much really about writing but I got to say I LOVE this show.
So my little hats off to all those who work on Prison Break and a hello to all the fans.


Hail to Wentworth, Dominic and the gang.

ARE YOU MENTAL?

Reverse of the medal

Yin and Yang.

No, I'm not trying to be philosophical here. Just thought it was interesting to see how my mind actually work at times. Especially when it comes down to writing and the creativity I try to explore and pour into words. Of course, everyone knows there's always a reverse side to anything. Always a plus and a minus, a good and a bad, a light and dark side.

So yes, I am writing on 2 different projects. Maybe not the brightest idea but man, do I ever feel better when I write. I can focus on the dark side of things with my gothic Action tale and deal with my lighter side on the ongoing little family drama. One is filled with special fx, most of them I believe to be low budget while others are going to be more expensive...And all of it happens during Napoleonic times. If I was listening to a few fellas out there, I would probably never sell this one. Who said it couldn't be a good assessment of my writing abilities, eh?

The other one is still about what I came to write during the Summer. I'm definitely having fun with that and hope to finish it in time for the Nicholl's. A few of you have encouraged me to go ahead and I really thank you for it (especially if it advances anywhere). After four scripts and an ongoing anime project, these will be my fifth and sixth. Talk about keeping the spirit up. Not easy at times. I can tell you that much.

I'm happy though, I'm writing as much as I can and it makes me feel liberated. Having all those ideas in my head kinda keep me up at nights. Some of my friends ask me how I can keep up with everything else. How I do make time for my writing and the research that goes along with it. I usually just tell them it comes from passion. If I go further, passion brings dedication into my mind. Dedication brings perfectionism...Two sides of the medal. So yes, I do come back to my writing, scrap a lot and change it around. Good thing is, I don't need to slap my forehead anymore. The wall is amazing, tyvm.

I take a lot of time to research, outline and write. As soon as I get home from work, my mind focuses mostly on my writing and when not, I can be found 'relaxing' over at DD. So yes, that's my excuse on not writing on my blog as much as I should. I'm really trying though so there's that much. After all, wouldn't you just rather see me writing on my script than posting on my blog? Huh? HUH?

Long week-end and what a nice week-end. Plenty of fun, writing and more...well...writing. Yes! Been pretty aloof on anything social this summer. After a few attempts on addressing my social standing, I realized I've utterly failed at anything not included in my writing parameters. Got to balance it out eventually. I certainly will try to arrange something better next summer. In the meanwhile, I got plenty of time to write. Something must be wrong here. I am still smiling.

Ah yes, received also a couple of emails from past stories readers asking me if I will come back to write in short story form. Well, since I'm way to lazy to respond to them by email and knowing they do come here to read my blog, here is my answer. Yes and no. Okay? Right, I do write in short story form to give me an extra feel on my script and no, I will not put them anywhere online as I previously did. Sorry, fellas but thanks for the nod anyway.

So, I got more than 90 days to finish these two ongoing scripts if my mind doesn't go bye-bye on me before.

Valium....Hmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmm...

And on a personal note: Priscilla, if you read this...Good luck with the coming teaching terms...I really miss you. <3








HEY! Who said it was all business?

Fumbling along the way

It's been again one busy month for me.

Not like my social life had improved in really big ways but I found myself more focused on the project I've started at the beginning of the summer. Fate of Deeds took a complete turn-around and directed into indie territories. Started in the darker genre well enough only to have realized there were too many holes in the outline and the structure.

I wasn't sure if it was the way I wanted to so I left it alone, thought and discussed it with friends and other scribes. Read and researched some more. I took my time to play with the outline a few times and made sure I had the story straightened up. Funny thing is that I did keep my characters intact. At least the foundation and feel for everyone of my protags and tweaked my antagonist around to adapt to this new story.

The background and idea remained the same. I haven’t really changed the emotional stand for them but yes, the concept is different. I wanted to write about family values and friendship. I needed to write this without having to fumble into too much of anything else. Sure, some would think it will then be the characters that will make the appeal in this spec. I’d like to think they would be right although I usually do try to balance both story and characterization as much as I can.

So it’s a study. It’s meant for the smaller market and there’s no special fx of any kind. Three main characters discovering each other through their little journey. Funny thing is I never thought of really writing in that genre, most of my readers know me as a dark/gothic/horror writer and nothing else. Funnier is the fact I have more fun writing drama than action. I wonder why this is.

I’ve also wised up in learning the craft. I use to rush head on with minimal outlining and focused a lot more on the research part. I try to make sure to balance everything I’ve learned and bent a few rules. Everyone will have a different opinion on how to write a script. Bottom line is that all are right in their own ways but it is up to me, as a writer, to find my own path and what way I want to go on for the rest of the script. I won’t be doing any voice over at the middle of the script. I’m not going to forget that my script has to stay constant in format.

I’m taking this idea of mine and building it so I can enter some competitions. Blue Cat or Nicholl…Who knows?
Right now, I got to finally really focus into what kind of stories I will come to tell. What kind of writer people should see me as? Dark or light, my stories have to touch readers the same way my short stories once did. It’s my call and I am still fumbling on that road of mine.

And I thought it would come easier to me.

Fleshing out the bones.

FATE OF DEEDS

LOGLINE:
"Along with her sister's best friend, a female assassin on the run has one night in a violent city to find her missing sibling before her past destroys them all."

to

"A female assasin refusing to work for a powerful crime syndicate discovers the only man who can save her is the one assassin sent to kill her: the father she never knew."

Seems pretty straight forward to me.

Of course, this post burst is not. No problemo, eh?

Outline was redone awhile back and now, reaching close to Act 2, this project has been all I had in mind.

The project "FATE OF DEEDS" previously known as "BLACK HAMMER" and then "BLANK LAPSE" started a month ago when I began writing with a super powers in mind for the protagonist.

After long thoughts and the project close debacle (Also because I started without a real strong outline), I've changed it around and made it grounded in reality. No super powers, no ghosts, no super evil nemesis.

For the very first time, I've focused on characters that are as real as you and I. Quite a change I tell you. There's no super FX shots or suspension of reality so to speak.

I worked on the three main characters and fleshed them out to such an extent, I could have a conversation with them and know exactly how they would respond.

My other projects' characters had a very good feel but nothing, in my mind, come close to what I am achieving here. I wanted to write something important to me. I wanted to write about family values and what one would do if faced with the possible extinction of his/her blood. With that in mind, I've opted for the same raw feel that one could see in PAYBACK or RUNNING SCARED.

I pushed in a gritty and dark environment where my characters would evolve and race through and up to now, it feels dark enough. Plenty of characterization but the race really starts only at the end of the first act. In addition to the main story, I made sure I had interesting and strong subplots within the outline. I wasn't going to just improvise along the way.

For the first time as well, I am not rushing this one through. It's going to take the time it needs to burst out and I will continue to finish some researches I've started for this script.

This project, like I've mentioned to a few people, went through drastic changes. Honestly, they started with me when I doubted my first ideas. So, it went from a family drama to supernatural fantasy and finally to a dark urban drama (for those who read me before, yes, there are plenty of action scenes in the rest of the script).

I changed the motivation of my characters around. Took off a couple of characters (from the previous run on that script) I thought would be important and simplify my outline so that it became pretty easy to follow. At the very least for me. It came to me that within this project's little world, my characters have more than just skeletons in their closets. They are the skeletons themselves.

Once again, I've made my two main characters to be young women. Fragile and yet strong, these two will have to confront their fears before they can overcome the obstacles thrown to them. So sure, the first 25% of the story is all about set-up and introductions but I mean to make the story pick up in pace and action faster than one could hope for.

As far as visualizing my main characters, it goes without saying that Natalie Portman is still on the top of the list for my protag and this time I could really see who could be her companion for this story. I picked on Ellen Page who impressed the hell out of me in HARD CANDY. I was overly surprised to discover Ellen to be a fellow Canadian. There's some real pride in knowing this, I assure you.

Thoughts after thoughts, decisions came as I believe Ellen and Natalie would complement each other amazingly well in this story. I'm excited and hope it would eventually pick their interest. I can only dream.

The script is, overall, filled with raw and intense action but also some strong moments of intimacy between these two characters. Other than a couple of FX scenes and my wishes to see the two actresses being in this story, the cost of production (turning a tad concerned with that side of the business) should be in the range of less than 10 millions. This is the first project I might feel worthy of presenting to a Canadian exec in Universal Studio upon completion. I know there are a couple of other possibilities for me but the main focus will always be writing and finishing this before the end of the year.

So guys and gals, I will try to keep you posted on this.

No snappy conclusion tonight.

BACK INTO THE DARK

KORN - Did my Time

Ladies and gentlemen, After a somewhat periodic smiling period and times filled with semi laughter and weeeeeee bits of fun, DMNY inc. is proud to present to you the awaited return of one little twisted, dark and odd worldy mind:My freaking own.

And down we go again. Smile. This is one moment anyone who knew my past work would go cheering about. No more funnies. No more melodramatic bullshit. Sure the world will go round and round. It does and always will be but the light in it is growing dimmer by the minute. I'm not being fatalistic here. I mean have you looked at the news lately? Yes, it always seem to have something to demoralize people. It's horrible, it's disgusting.Some will tell me to fight it. To come into the light and see that things can be better.

THE FUCK YOU MEAN?

It's not going to go better. I'm not without a care in the world. I do have plenty on my plate but I have come to accept, AGAIN, that we live in a dark world. There are beautiful things out there in the light and yet, I feel that removing myself from them would allow me to see their beauty when I do come to peek out of the darkness I plunge myself willingly into. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I had no other choices. I do. I had selected my own. It brings me to life. It brings my writing to a better standing level. I do enjoy it and balance will come in time.

Beware though, I am no Goth, I don't always dress in black (I mean I might be dark doesn't mean I am suicidal enough to go out in this boiling temperature in black). It's not that my style is horror. It's close to it, mind you. I like my created world to be dark and twisted. Like some kind of stone labyrinth toppled by dark clouds. You never know what will be at the corner. You never want to wait in the safety of the open and hope nothing will happen. Things will happen and I do hope my writing will make it so that you will want to poke your head around the corner and see the sights I have promised myself to deliver.

So my project is going to be darker. It's seething through the beginning of Act II and I will hope it will show the darker aspects of the story I had started. I told myself I will try to keep the supernatural to a background and put more psychological fears into play. I got my mind set on a few things but they will wait until I finish this ongoing project. BH is still pretty much about my own experience of a Father-child relation. Sure, it has some fantasy aspects but the message should remain as I intended to be at the beginning: The work and sacrifice of a parent discovered by its child. Sounds easy and simple enough.

The month of August will all be about finishing that Act II and making sure it flows before I step into the final Act and conclusion of the story. All this thinking brought also some interesting ideas and concept for my other pet prject: Tenshi no Owari. Remember the anime series I started on? Yes, you got it. I have not forgotten about it. It's a long process and I don't think it will become any lighter than the first episode I've written a month and a half ago.

It's dark and dandy. I hope all of you keep on reading (since none of you seems to post other than email me directly...still wondering why this is happening. Someone got to tell me.)
I guess, I did want to say a little hello to all my blog readers out there. August is coming and it will be one hot and dark month for me.

Now, flush that light and look at the shadow. I'm there looking at you.

Natalie makes me smile.

Maybe I feel a bit blue... I'm a bit saddened by the game we've lost.But if there was but one person that could make me smile. It is my muse, my personal unknowing angel, the one I look up to with admiration and utter respectful affection:Natalie Portman.

I admit it, there's not a single script or piece of writing that doesn't have her in mind. Each main female lead I create is with her in mind. She has that much impact on my writing. It's shameless to say so but then again, I don't need to hide that from anyone.

One song that reminds me of that single performance. This performance that swept my heart and mind: Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter"A simple song I can say is one of my few favorites of all time.So there it is, that single song that makes me sigh with a smile.

I wish I had this angel by my side.

Ticked off Bleus' fan!

It started as a passionate game. Sometimes, passion can fuel a lot of events that are not supposed to happen.Les Bleus had a few issues before the world cup and it showed at the beginning of the tournament. They eventually woke up and the cheers went out from fans all over the world.

It was Zizou' swan song. His last appearance on a football field and was given the chance to lead France's Bleus. This brought me to go on and watch or follow their games with a renewed fervor.They've beaten the favorites, the Brazilians, with a wonderful shot. They even smirked on Portugal to get to the final match. It would be an event to remember. Les Bleus would conquer the world cup one more time and allow Zizou to go into a blaze of glory.

Then, Italy Vs France happened.

A lot of pumped fans watching their respective team reach for the gold. At 110 minutes into the game, Zizou, who had scored a goal on a penalty shot, headbutted Matterazi on the chest. Something shitty happened. Zidane is known to be calm and reserved but will have outbursts of anger (as against Saudi Arabia in 2002). What happened? What did the Azzuri player said to upset Zidane on his last match?I started to shake. I knew he would be red carded and he was. I told myself there's a chance to do something here.

Les Bleus still had Viera and Henry in the game. Bad call on replacing Henry with Trezeguet. The game would go into extended time. It would then go into penalty shots and D.Trezeguet screwed up. His ball went to high.C'est la finale, David, t'as pensé a quoi pour tirer si haut? T'es pas un nouveau. C'est le Mundial. Je te réserve les huets que tu mérites. Honte à toi.

Yes, Zidane's action was a slap. There will be repercussions about this game. Tomorrow, at Les Elysés, the fans will not be happy. I predict a few police actions to cool off the possible frustration and anger in Marseilles, Paris and in the Midi. It's a passionate game.

The Italians won the 2006 Cup on a tirade that shouldn't have been. I'm saddened for Zidane. I'm saddened for France.I silently left out the café in tears. I hoped Zizou wouldn't have done what he did. This is not the final I was hoping for. I wanted a beautiful game without those cheap shots or without any penalty shots. Clean and dry, in the field.

Shame on us for lowering our standards and forgetting our cool. On aurait pu faire mieux. On aurait pu faire tellement mieux. Ca craint pas, c'est pire.

Chapeau par contre a Ribery, Henry, Sagnol et le reste des Bleus pour un effort qui malheureusement a fini en échec.

Here are the movies I've (re)watched over my vacation week:
Godfather
Godfather Part II
Heat
Flightplan
Broken Flowers
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
The Matador
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Superman returns
Cars
Session 9

Read more than a couple of scripts as well and a couple of Chinese movies. I should be starting The Black Hammer - Act 2 this week.

It felt good to be at home and relaxing. Felt good to pick up some air and unwind. If anything, this free time confirmed to a lot of my friends that I am a night owl. I creatively work better during the evening and at night.

Oh yes, before I conclude this entry, someone emailed me about my previous entry and yes, my entries are not all meant to be coherent at times. Hence the title.

puke...the mental kind.

This post is not organized. Not categorized. It's just a real mind puke on things ripping at me.

Yes, I've got Asian descent. Yes, I look the part and once upon a time, I've wished I looked different.I wished I was white so I wouldn't be treated differently.

Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is a sickness but thankfully, it can be cured. To take that cure though, one needs to know he/she is sick.He/she needs to have a willingness to learn and to accept.

It's pretty closed minded. It's pretty shitty sometimes to be stared upon with that kind of glare. I had to remind myself we are in the 21st century.

Of course, it doesn't mean that stereotyping is limited to race. There are plenty of ways to be discriminated: Social status, education, sexuality, age, religion.

I wouldn't break the mold. I can't be strong enough to change the world and the views of everyone on this planet. You got to be pc about it too. You can't just talk about your differences outloud.People will judge you. Appearance, writing or whatever you will do. It's human nature to point at the differences. Don't talk about them. It just may look like you're trying to bring pity from other people.

It's so full of shit.

My experiences are not unique. Universally, others have felt and gone through the experiences I've had in my life. I live my differences every day. I don't deny them anymore. I've accepted who I am.It's fate, it's life. Name it however you want. It remains just who I am. Nothing trivial about it. We all carry our crosses.Who said life was easy?

Some may have had an easier start. Silver spoon and silky sheets. I've never had that but I can tell this much. After all this time, I wouldn't exchange my life for anything else in this world. Why?Why wouldn't I want to be someone else? To have something else better to start with? Because I understand I need to work at this. I need to achieve those goals. I'd get help but I'll never beg for it. Question of pride perhaps but it will nonetheless be me.

So who am I? What do I want?

I'm me. I want to smile when I reach the finish line in whatever endeavor I start.

Took me awhile to understand things. To understand my place here. Sure, I'd be a liar to say I know why I'm here. To say that I know EXACTLY who I am. I am learning though. Day after day. Tear after tear.If my life had to end, I'd want to know I've made some kind of impact. I am not alone.

So there I am. This poor Chinese guy in his mid thirties with dreams and goals. Dreams and goals that people will nod me with and then chuckle on the way out. Got nothing-- Nothing or no one to really support me other than with just words. I'm that American dream. Nothing in my pockets but every images of what I desire to achieve in mind.

Because those goals are things I love. Things I wanted to achieve. I don't want to get them for free. I never asked for anything from anyone for free. I work for it. I sweat and cry for them.
I am still here. Like Bruce Lee, I know I got something to do. Like him, I do my best to get there. It's a long road ahead but I've got faith. Faith in me. Faith in those images and hopes.

I should be pissed at everyone. I should be pissed at my life. I was. I honestly was pissed at everything and everyone for having things I never had. Then, after time, I realized I will have what I want. It's just a question of time.There's no if. There's only a when. Some people had shown some faith and confidence in my ability to write and to tell a story. They know I've got an imagination that continuously run even if most of the time, I will remain quiet.

At times, everyone needs a good kick in the ass to remember they need to step forward. I do. Every fucking day, I do. I see where I live. What I have. I'm content but know I can do more. I can do better.It's a pledge. Not a requiem in any way.

Even if sometimes, it does feel like it is.

Looking ahead at my screen

Another sleepless Friday night

Actually, Saturday morning -- Could have gone out to Tokyo but couldn't get my lazy ass off anywhere. Beside, I'm broke and preferred to focus on writing some more. That went off the window as I started watching Kurosawa's masterpiece: The Seven Samurai. A beautiful movie. Simple and yet, with a good dose of complexity in the characters and atmosphere.After watching the whole "Samurai 7" anime series, I had to watch the film it based itself on and what a treat. I think I should watch Yojimbo, Throne of Blood and Kagemusha again. Watched RAN recently (like every year) and my Kurosawa's attack had not dwindled down for now. Then again, it might just be a Samurai's rush to cleam my mind from Cruise "Last Samurai".So after Shogun Samurai, Samurai Fiction (Beautiful) and Okamoto's Sword of Doom, I feel the need to see some more Japanese style cut and slash.

My ongoing project has lifted up in the air last week-end and 17% of it is done at the moment. Spoke to Gauchita about it and she thinks it sounds like a good idea. Never shared this with anyone else online but there's a good amount of trust I give to some people out here. From a paranoid freak, that's saying a lot about my respect for her. I do like brainstorming but I usually do it with a couple of people in real life. My boss, Don and my best friend, Nick are two I regularly speak to about my projects.

It's sometimes tough not to have a crowd of writers I could speak to on a regular basis but thankfully, I got DDers. Hi Monica. Should at least acknowledge people that take the time to email me. All comes down to respect. Some would say it is a business. I say that if I live in it, this business becomes somewhat personal. Nothing wrong with being friendly and knowing people. Some may be snobs and ignore me-- In due time, see who will be the one smirking.

So yes, I have some kind of beef with 2A now. Maybe some are reading this blog and putting me on ignore after reading my disappointment in them. Well, tough luck. Reciprocation wasn't made. I'm turning the page. Too bad really. Of course, a couple of members there are also friends from DDP so no hard feelings toward them since they had contacted me in the past. The only reason why I would go there now is to check on CE. OF course, I have his blog and that will make it my fix.

Questions and answers. Yaddee Yadda. Couple of emails and PMs about my Natalie Portman's adulation. Some people actually think it is nothing else but a physical attraction. I'd answer and say that I would be blind not to be swept away by her beauty but it is her presence that makes me drop to my knees. I could have a long discussion or post about Nat but I'm going to leave it at that for now. She is my muse. There is no denying this. All my main female characters are based on her look and presence. Here's another goal of mine, isn't it?

I'm off for a week starting today. I plan on bringing my project to the beginning of Act 2 at the very least. Other than that, I have a few scripts to read and movies to watch. Saturday (technically today) will all be about the World Cup. Go France and England! After the joke of a game I've seen with Portugal, I have lost a lot of respect for them. Brazil, on the other hand, is a favourite of mine but seeing that I am also French, I will give my nods to Zizou and Titi. Allez les Bleus!

It's going to be a short post. Got to keep it short.

Something else that popped in my head is my sight on those agencies out there. ICM, UTA or CAA. I'd be a moron not to drool over one of the agencies representing me either for a project (pocket) or stable relation. Need to also find a manager. Sure, I need to focus on the writing. Sure, I need to bring something more than just a couple of scripts under my belt but heck, I will come to cross this bridge sooner than later. Got to plan ahead as well. It's business common sense, isn't it? I wonder about those boutiques so maybe someone can tag me on this and give me some ideas as of who I should be smiling first to.

I'm content with myself at this time. Not completely satisfied but I am at least confident I am heading somewhere. The rush of passion and the ecstatic feel of a first draft has gone by and faded. I'm on my two feet and no more am I making baby steps. A good friend talked to me about my knowledge of structure. I told her I knew it but I think she might have misunderstood my answer. I know structure's BASIS. I am learning still. There's a lot to do and achieve. You know who you are and thank you for the friendly slap. Needed that.

Up to now, I have 4-5 scripts on the table. I haven't done anything with them other than Copyrighting them. This project is something excellent. I feel amazing about it and God willing, I will be able to go down on my knees when it'll allow me to be in LAX.It's a long journey. It was a long path to get there, I've made it so far with nothing but a couple of friends supporting me morally. If you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. That's who I am. It's where I'm heading. I've said it before, I will take my time and each of the instant I pour myself on FD, I make it count.

Dreams...Blink Blink.

It's a BIRD, it's a PLANE...Nah it's just a scribe.

Got to update it. Right.

Summertime sucks. Plenty of reasons to do something else than just staying home in front of a computer. Possibly even catch up with my fleeing social life and get out into the sun (actually moon). Of course, my mind is still racing and there are plenty of ideas I have to put down on paper.

So balance is something I must strive on at this point. I’m being very good, imo. Watching movies, reading scripts and much less time online to spend on forum posting.

My number is up for 2A logline lottery but I don’t seem to be picking up a lot of beat and posts on my two entries. It’s a shame really but then again, I’m not sure what I need to do to boost the suggestions. I participated before, posting my thoughts and all. Doesn’t seem to reciprocate. Ah well.

I try to lurk in DD whenever I can. I’m fond of the people there. A good atmosphere even if it reads a bit rough sometimes. Always plenty of helpful guys and ladies there. The only thing pissing me off over there seems to be my post # lowering every freaking time I post. Yes, yes…It’s all about that sweet OoO.

Like I said, I’m trying to catch up on my social life but refuse to go out to clubs and bars every week-end. For me, it’s a waste of money, time (hang-over recovery time included) when I could do something a bit more productive. It’s St-Jean Baptiste here in Montreal and along with the Formula 1 special week-end, main arteries being closed for side walk sales, party nights all over and the ongoing World Cup, I’ve got plenty of good reasons to be out. I must be some kind of hermit. I’ve gone out only a couple of times and limited my appearances to a couple of hours for each of them. Got to pay up sometimes.

So here's my list of attempts to go out and do something:

- going to Tokyo Bar on Thursday, Friday and Saturday? FAILED

- going to the St-Jean Parade? FAILED

- Going to meet friends for Formula 1 parties? FAILED

- Going to coffee shops and looking bored? YESH!!!!

And my mind is racing still.

I got an idea that’s booming in my head. Alright, alright, I have more than ONE idea but focusing on just one right now. Some writers and scribes would know the feeling when they got a concept that could be kicking asses and making studios tap you on the shoulders. I got it before but this time, I feel I have a champ.

I can’t post anything right now. I didn’t even enter it into the 2A lottery (then again, seeing how well I am doing there, I wonder if crickets would not start singing). So I’m playing with the outline and a treatment. Logline is done and it reads very nice. I am actually really proud of myself here. Gauchita mentioned I have to write something really close to my life. I have to write about my life and I got something that is as close as it gets when it comes to follow her suggestion.

Haven’t seen her online for awhile. With my mind racing and pondering if I did or said something stupid, I got to cool off on the paranoia thing. She might be playing polo or something for all I know. Hope to see her online soon. You got to love DDers. I said it once and I’ll say it again.

I’m going to give myself up to September for this feature. Just make sure that it reads and flows great. It will impress. I promised myself this much.

Discovered something today. Well, not really discovered, just understood it better. In “Adaptation”, Cage as Kaufman uses a voice recorder. I remembered wondering why he would use a voice recorder when he could have written it down on his computer. I was outside, having a coffee and talking my best friend about my idea and concept. We had a good discussion and DOH, I thought to myself I should write this down. Where was my computer, laptop or pen and paper? FREAKING NOWHERE? That’s right!

So next item on my purchase list after another Final draft for another computer (also on my list), a laptop, a new TV and a new life… A voice recorder. Yeah! That makes sense. I’ll be able to look like a lunatic talking to myself on the terrace. GO ME!

Financial support and donations are welcome by the way. Just email me about sending your money and I’ll be high-fiving the lot of you. I also misplaced my lotto ticket. So much for luck, eh?

Today being another sunny day, I decided to go out for a coffee and discussing my ideas further. Should be interesting to see what I could come up with. So for you readers and good friends, I’ll try to keep you updated a bit more.

Before the end of the summer. Just kiddin’

My drive and prayer

Why do I go through all this process? Why do I even think of going through it all?

I should stop. I should just push my keyboard away and call it the day. What would anyone expect from a miserable guy like me? What kind of ridicule imagination should a man like me bring to the all mighty HW?

I am no hack. I strive and burden myself at learning every bit of information as I can. Sure, I have some smarts and an imagination. No credit. No education to call for. Nothing fancy other than this little passion for movies and writing. I should stop, some would say but I just can't let it go. Maybe it will lead nowhere. Maybe it will be my break for the future. A legacy like I told myself. I need to leave with something that will remind others that I was there. I was that storyteller that made them smile/smirk/squirm.

Everything I've done up to now, I've done without going to school and taking courses for them. Yikes, eh? Well sure. Cringe away. I do but thanks to a lot of guidance and reading, I do get better. Some souls out there point and/or push me to improve. I'm a baby taking baby steps. I fall. I fumble a lot but I stand back up and smile. I don't and will not let this die. Even on my four, I will crawl toward my goal. Cut them away, I will slither and get my teeth in the business. I have nothing to begin with. I have everything to gain and it started well.

A lot of time. I cry alone. I snarl at myself when I procrastinate. Quit now! Leave it to professionals! You have not a chance in hell!

Tell you what! I have a chance as long as I write something people will read. I am already in Hell. You have no idea how much pain I have gone through to be where I am now. I am still alive and breathing. God, my witness, does see that in the very least, a few people have faith in my love and abilities to learn and adapt. One day, when I will make it, each and everyone of them will be just more than names coming out off my lips.

This is not a call for pity. This is my drive. A reminder for myself that I must do those things. Not because of a duty per se. It's something else much more emotional. With nothing going for myself, I've turned to my two constant loves to bring me back to life. This is my way to resurrection. Turn all those little things I have toward the only hope I have wanted to reach.

I am a strong believer in karma. I also believe we have been placed on this earth to accomplish something. This is my something. It's beyond just a dream. Much like any writers out there, I work to make it happen. I have a long way to go (as some told me) but it also means I am on the way. Screenwriting or anything I pour down into words is a piece of myself. It's an emotional process and this is who I am. This is all I have.

I have the good fortune of being surrounded by professionals and hopefuls. If I can help in anyway with my insight, I will not hesitate to do so. Those are my brothers and sisters in arms. It's a competition, of course, but who said I needed to cut throats and backstab anyone on the way? It's not me. I will not be me. Just that kind of guy who will stop a lot of things to listen to others talk and rant. It opens my eyes and allows me to evolve.

For all those nay-sayers that expected a big "fuck you", you will not get any of that. Instead, you get a "Thank you and remember my name". This path of mine might have started as a passion but it turned out to be really a love story. Something I should be scared of since all my love stories have turned to tragedies and losses.

I am here in the dark.

Writing.

Crying...But in the end, I will leave something to remember me by.

It's about creation. Not inspiration.

A little something while I am taking a break.

I should have gone back to feature. I should tell myself it's impossible to break into the Japanese market. They have enough people, some say, that knows the market and the anime needs. Sure. It's the same thing in Hollywood. Difference is that HW doesn't stop at the ethnicity trap. Call it racism, call it xenophobia. I rather see it as total bullshit.

I could have blamed my fate to be non-Japanese but hey, it's my life and I got to do what I can during my time here. Can't just bitch at things and wait for the next life. Now, I look at the american market and I see the potential for it to grow as much as the Japanese one. I'm not talking about morning or after school cartoons here. I am referring to anime. Mature ones...You know, something like McFarlane.

It got to start somewhere. This passion. This love. It can't just die out because one market decides to look at his belly button. Man, where's the likes of Dai Sato when you need them, huh? I'm sure there are people working in Japanese anime studios who could accept ideas from a gai-jin like me.

Where are those?

There is a strong debate I could certainly be part of. I want in. I've loved anime and its background enough to know my way around. I'm no hack. Plenty of things to learn and I'm willing to do just that. Learn. Adapt. Improve. The question still resides. Where do I go to?

In the meanwhile, I continue writing on my episodes and babble on DDP. Bless their hearts, the posting members are able to pull away the stress from these questions. However, I do know I'll need to come to terms and find answers to these questions of mine. I started asking for direction from outside. Animenation and frognation are two of the different places I have sent emails to. More knowledge, I suppose, before I step into the unknown.

My TNO is being created page by page, idea after another to rage into episodes. My creation, my work that's stamped on an inspiration denying itself to allow me in.

Will it be "Banzai" or "Yippee"?

Tears and whining

So I typed FADE OUT for Forgotten Masquerade's first draft. It was a relief. The script has taken so much out of me, I was happy to finally come to conclusion with it. Of course, this doesn't mean I won't need to look at it for the absolute necessarily rewrite. Clicked on the save button. Voilà! Done. I can move to something else and step away from it.



I started putting my head together again for TENSHI NO OWARI aka Fall of Angels. Yes, it sounds like an anime and don't you worry. It is. The uncertainty on this one is about its length. A feature film is meant to be short whereas this one is primarily intended to be a series of approx 16-18 episodes. A short series by any Anime standard. Whatever really, it's right now a side project. Something to clear off my mind whenever I fall into a mind blank or procrastination time.

Of course, I have little ideas on how to give TNO a treatment. 18 episodes of approx 25 minutes each. You do the calculations. It's going to be a monster to write. I plan on doing the five first episodes over the beginning of the summer and see what happens. Anyhow, I am reading a bit here and there for the heck of it. A doubt about FM strikes me so I open it again.
And then...

BANG! NIGHTMARE!

From 107 pages, I'm down to 52. I panicked. Looked for different folders. Did a search through my computer files. Nothing but one fdr files with FM in it. I felt like throwing my computer off the window. I screamed and looked for it again only to come to the conclusion that the file was probably corrupted. Of course, I do have a virus check along with a freaking firewall and what-have-you-not. No virus. No spyware. No nothing and no finished draft for FM.

I don't know what I did. I don't know what I can do now. I loved this one (well imho, everyone of us have to like the script we work on) and thought I did much better than any of the other scripts. You know what I mentioned so many times. It's my evolution. Well that evolution got FUCKED because my computer is one lazy ugly slow piece of SHIT. Almost feel like crying now but I hold on. I got to go at it again. Half of my FM draft is missing. Vanished into the digital bullshit.

Okay. That will teach me not to have a back-up off my saved files somewhere else. I can't whine anymore. This, here, should suffice for a bit. I got to go back into FM mode. Nothing I could do will bring my completed draft back.

As soon as I can. I'm getting a new computer and smashing this one to pieces. Why?

Because I believe in recycling but after awhile, it becomes a waste.

Taking a step back...again?

It had to happen eventually.

I'm not cornered. No. It's something else. A direction into somewhere I might have looked into. Not sure why but I had not bothered to consider it before.

Pictures and stories. Features and series. It all whirlwinded down into one simple question:
What do I want to focus on? What is the love and attraction I feel? Movies? Absolutely. It's not even a matter of denying it anymore. I do love them. I do breathe them. The ultimate goal is HW but the question remains for me.

Where do I focus on? What do I push myself into?

I've written supernatural actioneers in scripts and in short stories. It won't stop. This isn't the question. There are different avenues in screenwriting. May it be movies or series, the little screen or the silver one. I have to start on one side so to evolve enough to plunge into the other.
What is my style? Of course I know it. Christopher did mention that the switch from novels to scripts is not always easy. In fact, in some cases, it might not work at all. So I got to consider what are my strengths and remember that my weaknesses can certainly be worked at. I can improve or I will simply die. It is like anything in life, imho.

Prose? Yes, it's still there, less so than before, but I tend to go at prosing too easily. Take the time, some say, but time is also one tough foe to beat. I can't just wind down until I can't enjoy the fruits of my labor. It has to start. I has to begin soon. All I've written up to now should be seen as evolution. A preparation for what will come.

Short stories? Yes. I love them. I think of them often enough since after all, this is where it all began for me. There it was. A note. A nod, even, toward something I denied myself to bark into. I feel like a snob. I should have analyzed each avenue. The quality of TV shows is absolute wonder compared to decades ago. There's no shame in being one that started with TV series. It allows more character development and that is a strength in me. People, who read my stories, had told me this. I should focus on it. I should develop it into something I love and still keep the background I want to put my writing into.

I won't stop the project I've embarked myself into. I will bring it to an end so the next avenue for me would make a bit more sense. See, the fact is that although I love movies, I also fell in love with anime. It's been a love story that has even preceded feature films. It's the same thing in another avenue. Live or Anime. TV or theater. It comes down to be the same in the end. It's a relief. I've tortured myself at finding an answer that was already in front of me.

Japanese Anime have different genres. The western world might think it's only for kids. Cartoons. Cuteness. I ought to show all of them what they've been missing. From porn (hentai) to horror to rom-com and comedy, it's all there. For all ages and style. It's not going to be easier than breaking into HW. Maybe I just love to complicate myself. It's my way. Slap myself and go walk on the long way. At least, I won't say to anyone I haven't tried. It's a business. It's all about taking chances. I'm all for that.

Was it a waste of time? Absolutely not. I continue as I can. Slowly but surely.I have no shame in admiting I looked at things the wrong way. It all has to start at one time. I'm exploring around and swimming through to HW. I'm glad the waves have pushed me a bit further. I will make the time to be ready...As a writer with no sales, I have that luxury. See what would work for me. Like I've said, ten years max to a sale, what are four little months?

Right?

Time off for Victoria's week-end

It got to happen sometimes even if I wrote most of the night. As most of my friends know, I am an avid manga and Japanese anime fan (Yes, some of you will say I have fallen in love with almost everything from Japan). I've always liked to play with Photoshop as well so, break time for a rainy (again) Victoria week-end and showing off a bit one of my little hobbies.
I hope you enjoy them.

What? No other news?


hehehe...

my little desk

First things first, I receive regular emails from buddies and fellow writers about my opinion and help on screenwriting and other writing avenues. I appreciate that but please do realize that my answers are nothing but personal take on them. I suggest to do plenty of your own research and then ask for opinions. I will always try to help as much as I can but I wanted to make sure everyone understand where I'm at now. There might some concepts I address here but it is one voice within more than just a bunch of people. I am certainly not trying to misdirect anyone. So really, take my blog and thoughts for what it is.

Your comments are always welcome and although I do not reply in here. I do try to PM or email those who do take the time to post a little something.

So here is what I look and do before I go into my zone ( when I start my first draft).
I think first about the topic I want to invest time into.

Was it done before?
I've been told any ideas/concepts I can come up with was/is already made/filmed/written about. I looked for a confirmation of this tell tale. Tell tale became fact and there...Is this something you can catch to read or watch? I try to (over)analyze the possible strengths and weaknesses in what gets in my hands or in front of my eyes.

How well was it made?
Was the novel/script/short story turned into a movie? Got to be careful here. Of course an idea cannot be copyrighted but it doesn't mean I want to go and rip off a made manuscript. Where is the satisfaction in this? Quick money? No way, it's a paying hobby if you do it right but who said I wanted to be pointed as a copycat? I try to thread carefully here.

Can the concept/idea be made better?
I believe so, hence the reason why I tend to keep on reading and watching. As a writer (yes, writer means having your own imagination- for me at the very least - ), I need to see what I can bring into the subject. I want this idea to be mine. Something I could say is personal. Writing had always been a personal matter to me and it's one of the reasons why I have only shared it with a few people and not looked to publish them.

So there, I have a basic idea and I know it has been made/written previous to my attempt. I then look for something personal to add into the concept. Will it sell? Will it be worth a read and maybe a recommend? I don't go for a half-baked ideas. I take the time to make sure I enjoy the process. Heck, I'm going to spend three to four months onto it. I better make it worthwhile, right?

And now into the logline. At least, a plausible one I can still play with until I am satisfied.
WHY?
Logline tags on the storyline and its flow. Beginning, middle and end of the script should be seen online.

At my beginning, I've written scripts without having an idea of a logline. Today, I do not write a script or anything close to it without making one. It's crucial for me. So my main idea and the story basically needs to cover into a couple of sentences. Ouch! Logline reflects structure heh? I hated it! I used to write without the need to follow a structure but nowaday, I became quite anal about checking my writing. I saw the light!

Great, I got my concept/idea turned onto a logline and it is reflecting the story base.
On I go onto the outline and again the structure of the story.

What do I want my story to be? Where is it leading? What do I want to show these possible movie goers?

At this point, I have most of what I want to write in my head. If I don't have it, I come back to my logline. It's important. I have yet to sit down to scribe away. I've done the mistake of drafting without making anything outlined. It showed. My ideas were all over. No structure and it read like a pile of bile. Am I going to do that again? Nope. Give and take, I am a new screenwriter and therefore, I will need to stick to what I do now. It's the beginning of everything. Make it right and take the time, some said to me. I can't disagree.

It's a start. Respect that structure and make sure each step leads to the next. Can't be episodic. It must flow. Writing the outline will make sure I have the base. I also make sure to separate intro, development and conclusion into their own part. It doesn't have to be fancy at this point. Just very basic description of scenes with the who/where/when.

With the outline out of the way, I start to flesh it out for a treatment.

I give the treatment much more description and ideas of how each scene plays. What is at stake even and make it so that they have a beginning, middle and end. I make sure that my story follows the structure. A safe bet but since it's not all that hard to follow. Why shouldn't I? More than a couple of fellas out there would tell me structure and story must go hand in hand. Otherwise, the script will fail. Sounds rough but I've seen it. I've done the mistake before. It's possibly meant to be fun but I don't see the point of wasting my time. Much like when I am painting my figurines. I set up the desk to make sure all is there for me to work with. I don't paint a figurine and then put the first coat. See what I mean?

Splendid. I got myself a script treatment. I jump into Final Draft and start writing...Right? Heh?

NO!

I do my research about things my characters will do, about where they go and live and when they progress. Of course, I am supposed to know what my characters are. At this point, it would be silly of me to write without a good understanding of who my characters. I visualize them, I can even see who could be cast for each of them. It's real personal (although I know some do the same). I must go through it. I might get lucky and have the actors and actresses I thought of having into the play but I don't believe in Santa.

Research and making my "desk" set right, it's the tough part for me but I am not taking any chances. Got to love it though. Ultimately, habits die hard and I am not making a bed I wouldn't want to sleep on.

All of it for a start. I've not even touched Final Draft yet. It takes a lot of time but it leads somewhere. I know it does because I might not believe in Santa...But I do believe in my dreams.

MUSE...Right here

How do I go on?

After all, I have no sales under my belt. My name is not found on www.imdb.com and my words have no weight with agents and execs. So why am I still here? Is it a fling? A little crush or even a hobby to occupy my spare time?

And there it is, the combination of things crushing into the world of many writers I know and yet, it's not like being in a tunnel without a light. We see the light. We got to feel it coming closer even when we are not even moving at the pace we want. We have to believe we can reach it and eventually, we will be able to be where we hope to be. Why? Because we are the ones that entered the tunnel. No one pushed us in there. We volunteered ourselves, didn't we?

It's a drive and not something that different from a race. It's how hard I want it. It's how hard I want to get there first with all the right things in hand. I got to remember that everyone can come up with an idea. It is how it's executed that will count. How much passion I have in my mind and my words that will probably be the deal maker (or breaker). Do I have it? Do you have it? Or is it that a couple of months down the line, you will drop this investment down to the side and work on something else?

In my case and like I've mentioned it before. It's really all I have. EVERY DAMN thing I am writing is about movies or with them in mind. Do I love it? Do I crave it? People around me can tell I live for it. I breath and eat it. Sacrifices and everything I got plunged into it. IT better be worth it right? IT is all that really matters to me. Getting where I want. Living comfortably. Meeting those guys and girls I've always wanted to see face to face. It's all up to me. I don't just want in. I want to live in it. Some might think it 's pathetic how much effort I make on something that might never get me anywhere. Well, I believe I will get there. 10 years TOP to make it in and tell you how pathetic I am? I'm probably going to go down on my knees and cry after seeing my credit on the screen. No, screw option payments...It's a good start but it's not enough. I crave for so much more. Red carpet! Yeah, baby!

DREAM ON! REALITY CHECK!

No! Yes! It's a dream I'm working on and it hurts me. I have almost no social life anymore. Coffee time? Hell, that's as much social I get right now but I don't mind. I'm not complaining and for those nay-sayer out there, this blog is never about complaining. It's about analyzing where I want to be. Where you want to be and maybe, where some are already.

I got muses...I said to myself I've got to have a few things I want to get out of this dream of mine. The harder one believes in them, the harder it would be for others to burst that bubble. Mine is close to steel at this point. I've waited long enough and I know I can get there. I just want to establish myself well enough not to be a one hit wonder. No siree Bob, I want to be remembered as a story teller. I want people to say my name when a genre is talked about. It's my wish. It's my only biggest muse.

Am I there yet?

I would be a liar to affirm anything in that aspect. All I can say is I know I have gone a long way and there's still a long way to go. At least I admit it. I don't pretend. I am learning and that's how I will get better. This is how I will climb up because I do believe mistakes and errors do teach me something valuable in the craft of screenwriting. I am still there.

Of course, material stuff are great but it's just a way to get where I want to be. There are so many actresses, actors, directors and fellow screenwriters I want to meet. There is my Natalie Portman out there. Just the possibility of working side by side with them. It makes me smile. It makes me even float away but I am good at slapping myself. I criticize myself to such an extent I need others to remind me it will be okay. It is my little weakness but I believe it will be just fine. We all live our little lives and in our little world. Some are closer than others to the smell of success. I don't envy them. I encourage them and I do work to join them as soon as I can.

It's really easy to criticize and to put down someone else's dream but I also believe that what comes around, goes around. Karma. It's the universal truth. Mine anyway. I play it cool or, at the very least, try to. There's no reason to go bash without a reason or purpose. It's like anything else in life we can't get. Sometimes, I do fall but I do remember where I am on the road to reach my goal. I'm going to be ready and with the verbal slaps that should come my way, I got to stand and have the skill to bend enough to please without forgetting my voice. I struggled enough to remember that much.

A word for those who wondered. I am feeling better. I am getting better at this. No one needed to tell me. I can feel the difference. The structure is nothing like those first scripts and those words given to me by so many people, they came true. I evolve as a writer. Script by script. Concept after concept. The images keep on rolling into a flow. It's a stream I am tapping on. I promise I will not disappoint. Something I've denied myself for too long.

I've finished my first draft of "Spirited Hearts" and am focusing on "Forgotten Masquerade". The dream is alive, my mind is racing and my fingers are numbing away...All of it with a smile. I'm running Nat, don't you worry...

I got to stop before I sound like a real freaking stalker.