Captain's personal log

"Why are you pointing to those established writers?"

Really? I didn't think I was. All I am doing is reflecting my opinion as a viewer. I watch and pay for these movies. I am no hack, I am no pirate and it is my right as both a viewer and an aspirant screenwriter to see/read/criticize what I thought could be amazing but turn out to be nothing I personally expected. Jealousy? Oh hell no. I am actually happy for those guys and girls out there that can have credits given to them for a motion picture. They got optioned and sold their movies...And as we know, sometimes, the script is turned upside down from the first idea or draft into something else. It was David Goyer who said you can never really know what to expect when you write and/or direct a movie. Sometimes, it turns out amazing in the script and then into shit when it is shot. Sometimes it is vice-versa...I whole-heartily agree with David's opinion. I mean look at XXX, the script is great and yet the movie...Well I could not finish it. Others might tell me it's probably the director's fault. Maybe it's the cast's fault. I might be tempted to say maybe it's just the way it turned out to be. Everyone tried to do their best (my hopes) and hey, better luck next time, right?

I've always loved movies. My circle of friends and family could tell you how bad it came to be sometimes. I remembered being caught during my high school's year skipping class so I could go catch a film alone. I remembered doing homeworks for others so I could have some money to pay for a movie ticket. My whole pays, later on, would go into buying VHS movies, movie magazines and more tickets. They were my world. No, they were not my imaginary world...They were real to me. They were the only comfort I had when everything else went to Hell. When I got beaten down by my Father...I thought of how courageous one character was and I strayed away from crying. Movies are really personal to me. In my mind, Hollywood was the only family I had. Even today, I still feel that way. This is maybe the reason why I can let myself go when I watch a movie. I don't care for what buddy two rows from me say.

I criticize because I do care. It pisses me off when a movie is poorly made. Few would say it was a waste of time and money to go to the theaters. I'd say it was a waste of time and money to have the movie made THAT way. I'm taking David Goyer's example. He and I had almost the same kind of background. Fatherly figure was never really truly there (at least for me). WE have a love for comics. Some of his movies relate and develop a world I have come to love. Just see Dark City or Blade for the matter. Everyone starts somewhere... And with time, most of them get better. David is someone I came to respect for his dedication to his craft and I know he had come a long way in his career. One day, I'll be the same. I'll join his level. Not a "if", it's a "when". I promise this to myself. Anyhow, my point being is I do not laugh and joke about the writers of any movies.

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. Goddamn right it is, if we ALL start loving the same things, wouldn't the world be one boring peachy place?

Could I do better? No. I am no director (maybe in time) and now, I am trying to break into HW. Funny isn't it? I've always thought HW to be my home, my family away and I am trying to pull up a cardboard that says "Pick me". Why should they care? There are millions out there like me. Millions who dream of hitting big into the dreamy world I see as my life. Well...I know it's not a dream world. I work for it. I breath it. I told you, fellas, this is my sanity as well. I cannot live without writing and movies. In my view, these two are undeniably part of each other. Right now, I feel like this little fourth cousin no one knows about...But hey, at the very least, I am part of that world. All screen writers are, no matter if they are aspiring or not. Each of us struggle to get there and as long as they keep going at it, that it is not just a fling of a moment, they are as much part of my family than I am of theirs.

Few of my acquaintances had told me, writing would be better than the job they have. Hell, they don't understand. At least not completely. It's not just that, my weekdays work doesn't suck. I take pride in doing a great job. I wish to succeed because it would then allow me to write full time. To just do what I've always meant to do. Write. Yes, it might be in poetry or in forum posts, could even be in my blog. But let me reassure you, this takes me but half an hour of the daily 4 to 5 hours I do on my script or research. I always look around. Doesn't mean my feng shui is off. It's on. It's just been dormant for too long.

So yes, I'm a captain of my own ship. It is not made of steel and may look a tad off but it has HW written all over it. I'm not heading there...Since I'm already in the water. I just need to make sure I know how to make everything on this boat work.

Thanks for the manual.